


Dancing Without Music

by Duchess



Category: The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Post-Season/Series 03B AU, Reunited and It Feels So Good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-01 10:03:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18798136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Duchess/pseuds/Duchess
Summary: Just my take on how I thought Magnus learning the truth might go.  This was written before the Finale, sooo… as of that this is obviously an AU now.Catarina is finally able to catch up with Magnus.  Revelations ensue.





	Dancing Without Music

“Are you sure that’s what happened?” asked Catarina as she leaned back on the couch and made herself comfortable.  Seeing the confused look aimed at her she rolled her eyes and clarified.  “Magnus, I’m not a fan of Shadowhunters any more than the next Downworlder, but anyone with eyes can see how much that boy loves you.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen _anyone_ love you like he does.”

“Ragnor and you have always been there for me, Cat,” he countered with a sip of his tea.

“Of course we have and we always will, death notwithstanding,” she replied with a reassuring smile.  “We love you, but I know I speak for both of us when I say summoning Asmodeus is not something I would do willingly.”

“What does summoning my father have to do with this?”

“I thought-,” Cat paused and blinked.  She tilted her head as she regarded her friend with no small amount of confusion.  “Didn’t you say that Alec broke up with you and not too long after your father showed up and returned your powers to you?”

“Yes, that’s right,” he nodded, still not sure where she was going with this.

“Magnus, you can’t honestly believe that’s a coincidence,” she said, shaking her head.  “I thought that was why you were here; because Alec made a deal.”

“Y-you think Alexander…” he trailed off, heart beginning to race as he started to imagine the possibilities.

“I know you don’t think your father just decided to break out of Edom to give you your powers and immortality back out of the goodness of his heart,” she said with an arch of her brow.  “Someone had to open that door. _You_ can’t summon him – or couldn’t anyway – and wouldn’t if you could; you’d just go to him; _I_ didn’t.  There’s only one other person in this world who would do just about anything for you _and_ who has the resources to find a way to contact Asmodeus.  You’ve tried everything else, so what better way to get your powers back than to go to the one person who took them in the first place?”

“He wouldn’t…” he breathed, shaking his head and feeling like he was only a moment away from hyperventilating at the lie he knew in his heart it was.

“We both know that’s a lie,” she said, grabbing her own tea off the coffee table in front her.  “You told me how you broke down in his arms, how you admitted you thought death might be better than living as a mundane.  I don’t see how you didn’t see something like this coming.”

“You’re saying this is my fault?  Tha-that I somehow made Alexander do this?”

Cat sighed as she put her tea back down.  She could see how just the mere thought of him somehow putting Alec in danger, even inadvertently, was causing him all kinds of distress.  Her heart instantly went out to her friend as she reached out to squeeze his trembling hand in support.

“Sweetheart, no, that’s not what I’m saying at all,” she said, rubbing his hand that had suddenly grown cold.  “What I’m saying is that he loves you more than anything and there is _nothing_ he wouldn’t do or give to make you happy.  And, with the unavoidable guilt I know he feels, summoning a greater demon would be worth it to him.  Honestly, I don’t think there is anything that boy wouldn’t do for you.”

“He’d blow up the very ground he stands on…” muttered Magnus to himself, remembering once saying those very words to the angel in question as he took in everything his friend just said.  Now, that he was thinking about it with a clearer head he had to admit that Alec breaking up with him did seem to come out of nowhere.   

“What?” she asked, not quite catching what he’d said.

“Hmm?” he hummed, attention suddenly back on his friend.  After a moment he shook his head, quickly catching up.  “It was nothing, just something I’d once said to Alexander…” at her arched brow, he continued.  “I told him once that he’d blow up the very ground he stood on to put something right.”

Cat nodded thoughtfully in agreement, a soft smile coming to her face.  “Yeah, I’d say that’s an accurate description.  Madzie worships the ground he walks on.  He was the first person to look at her and see a beautiful, sweet little girl and not a tool to be used.  She told me that he protected her when he was the one who was in danger,” she shook her head, still finding a little awe in that.  “For that alone he will always have my gratitude.”  She looked at Magnus then.  “And for loving you as he does… he will always have my support.”

“Caterina Loss?  Willingly supporting a Shadowhunter??” gasped Magnus, somewhat jokingly.

“Yeah, well, I blame you,” she shrugged, giving him a look from the corner of her eye as she stood to take her now cold tea to the kitchen to reheat.  She preferred the microwave to using magic; it always seemed to taste funny when she used magic to reheat tea.  “Since you had to go and fall in love with a Shadowhunter at least you were smart enough to pick the best one out of the lot.”

“And they say you can’t choose a book by it’s cover…” he replied with a small grin, but it quickly fell as his mind came back to the problem at hand.  If Cat was right, Alec had summoned his father to get him back his power and his father had lied to him.  Of course, the latter part being very easy to believe was making the former look even more like the truth.  His father was a manipulative bastard, but he was also very smart and for someone who almost hated humans he was very good at reading them.  It probably didn’t take him very long to decipher Alec’s guilt and desperation on Magnus’ behalf and there was no way Asmodeus would have passed up the opportunity to get something over Magnus.

The whole thing still baffled him.  Why would Alec take such a deal without talking to Magnus first?  They’d promised each other no more secrets…  So, what could his father have said to make Alec go back on his promise to him?  That wasn’t like Alec at all.  He had much more integrity than that and he loved Magnus too much…  That was one thing Magnus made a promise to himself to never doubt again; Alexander loved him.

What exactly was the deal Asmodeus made with Alexander?  And what did his father say to get Alexander to take it without talking to Magnus?

“What do you think my father requested from Alexander in return?” he asked Cat as she came back with a new steaming cup of tea.

“Well, considering he’s not here I think you already know the answer to that question,” she replied, eyeing him knowingly.

Magnus nodded with a sigh.  He did.  “To leave me.”  He was just hoping for once he was wrong about his father. He’d seemed so sincere… Was he always destined to fall to his want for his father’s affection?  “But my father doesn’t do anything without there being something in it for him, so what did he have to gain?  He had my power; he doesn’t need me to rule the Demon World… so what does he want?”

“Has it ever occurred to you, my friend, that all Asmodeus really wants is _you_?”  He looked at her with a blink, wary curiosity on his face.  “Despite all the bad he’s done to you, if you think about it it’s all been a bid to have you by his side.  He may be evil incarnate, but you can’t say he doesn’t love you – warped as it may be.  In a way there’s nothing your father wouldn’t do for you, either.  There’s a reason Lilith made sure to never actually harm _you._ ”  She shrugged then.  “I could be wrong though.”

Magnus shuck his head as he placed his tea down on the table before him.  This was all becoming way too much to think about.

“So, what are you going to do?”

He looked up at her than, completely lost.  “I don’t know.”

“Well, I know what I’d do,” she said as she leaned back into the cushions behind her, getting more comfortable.  “And the Magnus Bane I know would do the same.”

Magnus stared at her for another moment, determination growing inside him as he held her gaze.  He took in a deep breath and stood as he gave her a nod.  If he was going to do this the kid gloves were going to have to come off, because Alexander could even out stubborn him when he wanted to. 

“You’re absolutely right, Cat,” he said with a wave of his arm, quickly opening a portal.  “Thank you, my dear.  I’ll see you soon.”

The last he saw was her smile of encouragement as he stepped through the portal.  It was time he got his man back.  Anything else could wait.

*

“Magnus.”

Magnus stopped and turned to his left at the sound of his name.  He watched curiously as Izzy quickly walked towards him, unable to decipher the look on her face.

“Hello Isabelle,” he greeted when she stopped in front of him. 

“Magnus, what are you doing here?  Is everything alright?”

Magnus’ heart fell.  So, he apparently wasn’t welcome there anymore.  He’d thought that might be the case, but when Underhill had let him in with no questions asked, like usual, he’d just assumed that Alec hadn’t yet put him on the no-entry list. 

“I…”  He looked around, but none of the other shadowhunters he could see were particularly looking at him any differently than usual.  “I wanted to see Alexander.  I didn’t think it would be a problem.”

“A problem?” Izzy began, tilting her head in confusion as she took in the nervousness he was obviously trying to hide and quickly catching on.  “Oh, no Magnus of course it’s not a problem.  You know you're _always_ welcome here, right?  We care about you too, you know.  Not just Alec.  I was just asking because… well, I wasn’t expecting to see you here so soon after….”

He watched her look away from him as her words trailed off.  He knew what she meant and truthfully, he had been avoiding this place and probably would have continued to if not for Cat.  His heart was touched though to know that Isabelle wouldn’t just drop him because things had gone badly between him and her brother.  She’d always been kind to him from the beginning and he now thought of her as a friend.  It was nice to know the feeling was mutual. 

“He told you?”

“It wasn’t all that hard to figure out when he walked in looking like Church had just died,” she shrugged.  “Alec is good at hiding many things, but heartache isn’t one of them.  Besides, he’d talked to me when he was trying to decide to take the de-” she stopped suddenly as she realized what she almost said, eyes going wide.   She froze as she stared nervously at the warlock, but after a moment she started to realize something was wrong.  Magnus wasn’t trying to get her to continue, he wasn’t even looking at her but at his hands as he slowly rubbed his right thumb over the palm of his left hand.

He didn’t look surprised at all.

Magnus sighed to himself as he stared down at his hands.  Well, he had his confirmation now, if he still had any doubts about Alexander taking a deal from Asmodeus.  He wasn’t sure how to feel anymore.  Part of him was relieved to know that he was right and Alexander wasn’t selfish and cruel like he’d tried to believe he was… but another part of him was angry and hurt that Alexander would make such a huge decision for him without talking to him.

“You know…” breathed Izzy, eyes going wide again and snapping Magnus out of his head, making him swing his gaze over to meet hers.  “You know about the deal.”

Magnus looked at her and just nodded, not knowing what else to say.  Honestly, she was the wrong person for all the things he had to say on the matter.

“Well, I told Alec that this would happen, that you would figure it out once you had your magic back,” she sighed and nodded towards the stairs.  “He’s up in his office.  Take all the time you need, I’ll handle things down here.”

“Thank you, Isabelle,” he tried to smile at her, but he knew he didn’t fully succeed.  “And thank you for trying to get him to turn the deal down.”

“How do you know I tried to get him to turn it down?”

“Because I know you, Isabelle Lightwood, and you would never believe him breaking both our hearts was the right thing to do,” he answered with a small smile, this one actually making it to his eyes.

Izzy just smiled back at him, neither confirming or denying, not that she really had too; they both knew he was correct.  “Try to go a little easy on him?  He wanted to talk to you about it, but… well, it wasn’t an option,” she said with a sigh, heart heavy in her eyes.  Then, not waiting for a reply, she put her hand on his arm and turned him towards the stairs, giving him a light shove in their direction.  “Now go knock some sense into my big brother.  His moping is making Jace very annoying and I don’t want to have to murder my brother.  Adopted or not I’m sure I’ll come to regret it.  Eventually.”

Magnus grinned over his shoulder at her as he shot her a nod on his way to the stairs.  Of course, she was right and he and Alexander did need to talk – it was the reason he’d come – but, it didn’t mean he was looking forward to it.  He wanted his boyfriend back, but he was also well aware they’d come to this point because a lot of mistakes were made.  And they weren’t only on Alexander. He, too, had made mistakes.  

Alexander may not have talked to Magnus, but he also didn’t talk to Alexander first.  He tried to hide the pain he was feeling over giving up his magic instead of talking about it and when he finally did speak on it truthfully it was because he was drunk and depressed.  A very bad combination, he knew.  Was it any wonder that Alexander had summoned his father and took a deal?

Who knew the discovery of one gray hair would cause such a crisis, he thought wryly.

Magnus frowned to himself as he came to a stop outside of Alec’s office door.  He knew that it wasn’t the gray hair that had been the problem; that was just the icing on the cake.  And if he wanted to get Alexander back he was going to have to be ready to tell him all of it.

Taking a deep breath he knocked on the door.

~*~

Alec was sat behind his desk filling out paperwork that would hopefully keep the Clave off their backs a little while longer as they tried to find a way to help Clary.  He may not be the fiery redhead’s biggest fan, but he didn’t want to see her die because of her brother.  Jace would never survive it.

Besides, when she wasn’t only thinking of herself and making phenomenally stupid decisions she was alright.  More tolerable than that best friend of hers, that’s for sure.  And why was the daylighter hanging around his sister so much now?  He’d have to remember to ask Izzy about that soon.  Despite popular opinion, Alec wasn’t half as oblivious as he liked people to believe.  He saw the way Izzy looked at the daylighter and he’d have to be blind as a bat to miss how he looked at Izzy.  Has always looked at Izzy, really. 

He’d never really thought anything of it in the beginning, after all, most guys look at Izzy like that sooner or later and his sister can more than handle herself, but it’s only recently that he’d started noticing Izzy looking back.  Truthfully, if the little daylighter made his sister happy then he was fine with it, even if he would never understand it.

He wondered, idly, if Jace knew yet.  Alec didn’t try to stop the grin that formed as he imagined his parabatai’s reaction when he did find out that his favorite annoyance was going to be around even more often than he already was, when there was a knock at his door.

Alec sighed to himself as he called for whoever it was to enter.  He’d asked to not be disturbed for half an hour, but he guessed that the memo didn’t get to everyone or whatever the issue was it was important.

“Give me one moment,” he said, not looking up as he heard the door open and close soon after.  “I’m almost finished with this and if I stop now I’ll have to restart from the beginning.”

Taking the person’s silence as agreement, Alec finished reading the last page of the ten-page Action Report he was proofreading.  Five minutes later he quickly wrote his signature at the bottom, above his sister’s own, before closing the file and moving it to the done pile to be sent to Consul Jia Penhallow in Idris.

“Alright, sorry about that.  How can I…” he began as he looked up than trailed off as he came eye to eye with the person standing in his office leaning against the closed door.  “Magnus…”

“Hello Alexander,” replied Magnus with a smile.  “I didn’t want to interrupt; you seemed quite busy or I would have announced myself.”

“Oh uhh, right,” swallowed Alec, nervously, looking down at his desk.  His eyes fell on the little ornate box that held his family’s ring, sitting in front of the picture of him and Magnus that he hadn’t yet had the heart to remove.  He didn’t think he ever would.  “Wh-what are you doing here?  I didn’t think I’d be seeing you for a while…”

“I guess that makes sense.  I had planned to make sure I not see you for a while,” if _a while_ meant the _rest_ _of_ _Alexander’s_ _natural_ _life_ , than yeah a while it was.

Ale nodded, not surprised.  He actually didn’t think he was ever going to see Magnus again, so…  He was actually glad to see him.  He could instantly tell that the warlock’s magic was back; he was all sparkly and impeccably groomed.  Not to mention, he could feel it in the air around them.  He could always feel Magnus’ magic, it was like a warm breath against his skin.  It never ceased to make him feel welcome and wanted. 

“So what changed?” he asked as he picked up the ring box off his desk, twirling it in his hands to give them something to do other than tremble nervously in front of his ex.

“What changed? Well, let’s see… you haven’t asked how I got my magic back,” he replied, watching his shadowhunter closely.  “I know you can feel it, Alexander.  Why don’t you ask me?”

Alec looked up at him then, eyes shuttered.  He opened his mouth to ask the question, play the game, but then shut it a moment later.  It was one thing to just not tell Magnus something, but he wouldn’t actively try to deceive him.

“Don’t want to?  That’s alright, I think we both know why that is anyway.”

Alec blinked at that and for the first time since he saw Magnus standing in his office, truly took in the look on his face.   He could see the obvious hurt and sadness in his eyes along with a good amount of anger, but what he didn’t see was the loss and confusion that had been there the last time he’d seen Magnus in his mother’s shop.  Which could only mean one thing…

Magnus knew about the deal.

….

….

But _how_?  How could Magnus know?  Alec hadn’t told him and the only people he’d told was Izzy and Jace and he knew neither of them would have told Magnus behind his back.  So how could he know?  Was Izzy right and Magnus had figure it out?  The only other person who knew was… but, there was no way Asmodeus would have told his son.  He was very set on Magnus never finding out.  So how…

Alec tilted his head in confusion as he stared at the other man, something must have shown on his face because Magnus made sure to meet his gaze then and nodded once.

“Yes, I know,” confirmed Magnus, watching his eyes widen in shock.  “Not all of it, of course, and it did take me a while… and a little help from Cat.  My head wasn’t really in a place to see straight, but my father wouldn’t just give me back my magic and immortality out of the goodness of his heart as he would have me believe.  The fact he’s still hanging around is another clue when it’s well known he hates it here,” he shrugged, looking down at his hands as he nervously twisted the ring on his index finger.  “Why Alexander?”

“You know why, Magnus,” sighed Alec, not even trying to pretend like he didn’t understand.  Magnus may not know everything, but it was obvious he knew enough.  Hopefully this wouldn’t break the deal – which, it really shouldn’t because Asmodeus only said he was not to tell Magnus and he didn’t.  There was nothing said about Magnus figuring it out on his own.  And really that was Asmodeus’ own fault for underestimating his son.  “Wait.  What do you mean he’s still here?  I never actually summoned him here.”

“Well, he’s here.  I’ll deal with that later,” said Magnus with a wave of his hand.  He wasn’t really concerned about his father being in this realm at the moment as Asmodeus’ focus seemed to be completely centered on Magnus right now and he could handle his father just fine on his own.  “Don’t change the subject, Alexander, what do you mean ‘I know why’?  If I knew why I wouldn’t be asking.”

“You were unhappy, Magnus.  Did you really think I could just sit by and watch you hurt like that if there was even the slightest chance I could fix it?”

“I didn’t need you to _fix_ me, Alec.  Did you think I was broken without my magic?”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it, Magnus,” he shook his head.  “And I wasn’t the one who thought you were broken.  _You_ were.”  Alec sighed then, looking away from him.  He didn’t want to fight.  

Magnus stared at him, speechless.  Was that what Alec thought?  Was that what _he_ made Alec think?  That Magnus thought himself broken without magic?  He guess maybe he had…  he remembered telling Alec that he felt useless and maybe once implying that getting his magic back was worth dying for…  Maybe Magnus had felt broken… but, he had still been adjusting.  How could anyone expect him to just accept such a large part of himself being gone after centuries of his magic always being there?  It was like he’d lost a limb or two.  Perhaps he hadn’t been handling it the best, but he had been trying.  And having Alexander beside him, knowing he would always be there was more help than the shadowhunter knew.

“Maybe you’re right,” whispered Magnus, looking down at the ground, not liking admitting that aloud.

Alec turned back to him then, seeing the pain and devastation on his face that he wasn’t trying very hard to hide.  “And I didn’t see it.”

Magnus’ head shot up then at the quiet reply.  “What?”

“I didn’t see it,” repeated Alec, a world of guilt in his eyes.  “I was so busy _wanting_ you to be okay, that I took your words at face value, knowing deep down that it didn’t make sense, you not being hurt and upset about this.  I just… I needed you to be okay.”

“Why Alexander?” asked Magnus, taking a step towards him and coming further into the office for the first time.  He felt like they were finally getting somewhere so repeated his question after a moment when Alec still hadn’t answered him.  “Why did you need me to be okay?”

“I… I need you to be okay, because if you were then that meant I didn’t have to feel so _guilty_ anymore,” admitted Alec, closing his eyes in defeat.  “I know you had your own reasons for giving up your magic, but you can’t deny that you also did it for me; because Jace is my parabatai.  You gave up a part of yourself, a part of who you _are_ for me.  And I let you.  So I told myself, and kept telling myself, that if you were okay with it than it was okay.  But I knew better.”

“Alexander, you didn’t _let_ me do anything,” he shook his head.  “I’m a grown man and I can make my own decisions.  I promise you.  I’ve been doing it for a long time now.”  Making a decision, Magnus squared his shoulders and took another step closer to the man he loved.  They’d promised each other no more secrets and he was going to hold to his end of the bargain.  Beginning now.  “Alexander, do you want to know why I went to Edom to ask my father for help and why I agreed to his deal?”

“I know why; you wanted to help save Jace and stop Lilith,” he replied with a sigh.  “And you did.  If not for what you did I’m pretty sure that night would have ended a lot differently.”

“That’s true, I did want to help, but that’s not the only reason,” Magnus shook his head than took a deep breath and continued, “I went because I had to save Jace, because what had happened to him was my fault.  I was the one who brewed the potion that made it possible for Lilith to turn Jace into the Owl.  I didn’t know who she was at the time or that she was talking about Jace; usually I do my research with those kinds of request, because people lie and I know that.  I learned that lesson the hard way, but she’d seemed so sincere and made it sound like she was doing the guy a mercy and….” Magnus sighed, trailing off; he was just making excuses now.  “I made a mistake and I only realized it when she showed up to take Jace back when we’d almost broken the spell.”

Alec blinked as he stared at Magnus, slowly taking that all in.  It was obvious Magnus expected him to be mad, and if this was a few months ago, he probably would be, but he was a different man now.  All he felt was sadness that Magnus took that kind of responsibility on himself.

“Magnus, what happened to Jace was not your fault,” said Alec with complete sincerity.  He waited for Magnus to meet his gaze again before he continued, “Lilith blamed Jace for Jonathan’s death and she wasn’t going to stop until she had him.  She’d been messing with his head for a while.  If it hadn’t been you she’d have found another way.  I’m just glad she only tricked you to get what she wanted and not tried to hurt you.”

It was Magnus’ turn to stare now.  If he was honest, that was not the response he was expecting.  He still remembered how Alec had reacted when he’d learned about Izzy, Raphael and the yin fin.  He’d been expecting something similar to that.  

“Lilith wouldn’t dare hurt me,” he said, waving his hand dismissively, “she fears Asmodeus too much to risk it.”

Alec blinked at that, but didn’t comment.  That was something to think about for later, though.  “Regardless, what happened to Jace is not your fault.  It never was.”

Magnus looked away.  He didn’t want to argue and say he disagreed, though he was sure Alec had read the response in his eyes before he averted them.

“I’m so sorry, Magnus,” said Alec, quietly.  It was an apology long coming, he knew, and continued when Magnus finally returned his gaze.  “I’m sorry I didn’t see how much you were truly hurting.  I’m sorry that you had to give up something so important to who you are for a world that… really didn’t deserve it and I’m sorry it took me so long to find a way to make it right.”  Alec looked down at his hands then, spying the ring box and suddenly remembering why he had it.  Gently he ran his thumb over the top before he placed it in the top left drawer of his desk and shut the drawer.  He’d give it back to his mother the next time he saw her. 

“I’m glad you have your magic back, though,” he blinked away the moisture in his eyes and gave a small smile as he looked back up at Magnus.  “I’m glad I was able to do that for you, to get you your life back.  Now you have all the time you need to be happy again.  That’s all that matters.”

“What?” Magnus blinked, taking another step closer.  He could feel his stomach filling with dread as his heart began to hammer in his chest.  What was Alexander saying?  “Alexander?”

“For a moment – and it was only a moment – I… I was happy… that your magic was gone,” he began, slowly, looking Magnus in the eye as he owned up to what he considered a betrayal of him.  He was a little surprised to see only confusion and hurt in his eyes and not anger.  He’d been expecting anger when he finally confessed to his sin.  “And it’s not because of what you think, not because I don’t want you to be a Warlock.  You have to know that doesn’t matter to me.  I love you, Magnus, be you a warlock, vampire or anything else.  I love _you._ ”

“Then why?” asked Magnus, taking the final steps that brought him directly to Alec’s desk and in front of him.  He needed to know.  Magnus wasn’t completely sure why the answer was so important, but he knew that it was.  It was to him.  Whatever Alexander said next would let him know if what they had, the life they had been starting together could be saved.  “Why were you happy, Alexander?  Even if only for a moment.”

Alec closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he opened them again and met Magnus’ gaze head on.  He was many things, but he had never been a coward and he was not going to start being one now. 

“For a moment I thought now we could grow old together,” he gave a small, sad smile then shook his head.  “But I soon realized that was wrong of me.  You, Magnus, are not meant for a mortal life and truthfully, I don’t want that for you.  I never want to think of you dead, not even dying with me.  When you were in that infirmary bed that was one of things I realized; that you dying is not an option for me.  The world needs you in it…  _I_ need you in it.  I told you once I couldn’t live without you and I meant it. _You_ are my world, Magnus, and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to protect you.  I could never give you what your magic does and I would never ask you to choose.  That’s why I did it.  I can survive in this world knowing that you’re out there alive and whole and one day you would find happiness again.”

“Alexander…”

“Besides, now or a few decades from now I’d be leaving you anyway,” he tried to joke, but he knew from the tears building in his warlock’s eyes that he’d missed the mark. 

That was it.  That was the final straw.  Magnus couldn’t stay still and quiet a moment longer, not that he’d been completely quiet to begin with, but now it was time to put all of this to rest for good.  He squared his shoulders and marched determinedly around the desk.  He gritted his teeth as he watched Alec’s eyes widen in a mixture of surprise and confusion as Magnus turned his chair towards him and gracefully climbed onto the seat, straddling Alec and making himself comfortable.

“You, Alexander Gideon Lightwood, are going to listen to me and listen well, do you hear me?” he demanded, placing his hands on Alec’s neck and dropping the glamour on his eyes, so that Alec knew he meant business.  When Alec gave a tiny nod, eyes locked to his own did he continue.  “Good.  I love you, Alexander and nothing is more important to me than you.  Not my magic, not my immortality.”

Alec shook his head and opened his mouth to respond only to stop before uttering a word as a familiar finger pressed gently to his lips, demanding silence.

“You said you’d listen,” said Magnus with a stern look.  He waited another moment to be sure Alec wasn’t going to interrupt before removing his finger.  “Now as I was saying, you mean more to me than anything.  I know these last few weeks may not have given you the impression that was true and that’s my fault… I may not have been handling this whole no-magic-thing as well as I could have, but I _was_ trying and I was getting there.  And I was getting there because of you, Alexander.  I should have told you from the start how much I was hurting, but I didn’t want to burden you.  You’ve been going through so much on top of supporting me that I didn’t want to add to that.  Your love and support have been the only thing getting me through some days and I didn’t want to lose that by overwhelming you… and I’m…” he swallowed and looked away, not wanting to continue, but knowing he had to.  “I’m kind of use to going through things alone… I wasn’t trying to shut you out, Alexander; it’s just… what I’m used to.  But it doesn’t mean I don’t want you or that I would ever choose _anything_ over you.”

“As long as I have you there’s nothing I can’t handle.  It may take me some time, but all I _need_ is you, Alexander,” he told him, earnestly, eyes shimmering with unshed tears.  “Don’t you know that you’re my other half?  You worry about being in a box one day and I keep telling you that will never happen and I say that because it’s true.  I may have loved before, Alexander, but I have never loved anyone the way I love you.  You’re in my soul.  I don’t like talking about you dying not because of my immortality, but because I don’t like thinking of you going somewhere that I can’t follow.  I don’t know if I can handle it,” he confessed as the tears started streaming from his eyes.  “I’m pretty sure I’ve been waiting for you all my life, Alexander.  You’re my soulmate.”

Alec couldn’t hold back his own tears then.  Of course, if you asked him later he’d swear it was Magnus doing all the crying, face giving away nothing, but anyone who knows him won’t believe a word of it.  Wrapping his arms tight around Magnus, he pulled him closer against him as he rested their foreheads together.

“I love you too, Magnus.  More than anything,” he whispered and for the first time after saying that he felt that it was exactly the same for Magnus. 

Magnus slid his hands up, cradling Alec’s face in his palms as he tilted his head and kissed him gently.  He sighed against his mouth, he’d missed those lips.  He felt more tears fall from his eyes as he thought about the fact that only a couple of hours ago he’d been sure he would never feel this again. 

Alec used his lips and thumbs to gently wipe away his tears.  “Stop, baby, please.  Please stop crying.  I’m sorry, I’m sorry I hurt you.  That was never what I wanted.”

“Then don’t leave me, again,” breathed Magnus, resting his face in the crook of Alec’s neck.  He felt a flush wash over his skin all the way to his toes; Alec had never called him that before.  He hoped it wasn’t a one-time event.

“I can’t promise that I won’t do whatever is necessary to keep you safe, but… I can promise to try to never let leaving be a solution.  How’s that?”

“That’s not good enough, Alexander,” said Magnus, lifting his head to look him in the eyes.  His glamour still down.  “If it affects us as a couple, it should be handled as a couple.  No more deals.  Promise me.”

Alec’s eyes flicked back and forth between his, silently, for a moment before he slowly nodded then grinned.  “I promise.  No more deals with greater demons.”  Magnus smiled at him, happy that he’d got his way.  He was sure Alec was going to hold out longer than that.  “You were right you know.”

He tilted his head in curiosity. “About?”

“I did miss them,” Alec replied, rubbing his thumb gently beneath one of his eyes.  “You know you’re beautiful, that _I_ think you’re beautiful, but you’re never more beautiful than when you show your true self.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I didn’t want you to feel even worse; you were already thinking you weren’t good enough anymore.”

Magnus felt tears building up again and leaned forward, pressing his mouth to Alec’s.  This man would never cease to amaze him.  His heart felt so light, he felt like dancing.  He loved and, for the first time he believed, he was truly loved in return.  “I love you, Alexander Gideon Lightwood.  Never let me go.”

Right then Alexander released the biggest, brightest smile he’d ever given in the last few weeks, because he knew they were going to be alright.

“Okay.”

He pulled his boyfriend back into his arms and proceeded to kiss him like he’d wanted to do since he saw him standing in his office.  And he didn’t stop.  Not even when someone started knocking on the door; the outside world could wait a little while longer.  Alec had everything he needed in his arms. 


End file.
